Still Water Runs Deep

sky3It was a strange summer. In January of last year, I began a journey to become a chaplain. After completing an accelerated unit of Chaplain Pastoral Education and facilitating a new women’s group series with an amazing friend and co-facilitator, I realized that 6 months had passed by at an alarming rate. I had been living moment to moment immersed in the care and thoughts of others. I was excited and exhilarated at all of the occurrences but in retrospect, there was little time to think about processing the events of my life and what happened during this rewarding and yet very busy time.

After deep reflection, I believe that I had been afraid to process what I had seen and experienced. In this short period of time, all of the experiences had been so profound and handed to me from God’s provincial care and grace to experience that I believe I had become supersaturated. So saturated that I could not process what I was feeling. I also believe that there may have been too many gifts given for me to receive. I don’t think that I can comprehend them all. The only analogy I can give to you is someone who has recieved too many gifts on Christmas that they feel they do not deserve.

I can still see the people’s faces that I meet at the hospital during my shifts and all of the beautiful women in the groups. It wasn’t until I stopped all of the activity that I started to process. It wasn’t until all of the activity came to a standstill, that I began to realize that I needed to think about each situation, each face, each tender life….

I believe that God sent me on this journey. It will never be the same. The experiences of last summer are a part of my very being. I have touched each person and they have touched me. It is profound and I realize that it has taken me a very long time to write about this and share this experience of the tapestry of my life. I do not think I was ready to feel all of the emotions, the death, the healing, the very realness of every single person’s experience until this very moment. I think I conned myself into believing that I understood the depth of the moments, but I do not fully yet…..

I asked to be closer to God and God granted me this wish. When all is said and done though, if I do not take on the responsibility of processing the experience, what do I have? Moments of other people’s experiences? What does it mean for me? How can I build upon what I have learned, if I do not own the experience? If I do not own the processes, I believe I am caught in an endless loop of just doing and not actualizing who I am as a full person connected with spirit.

I do not believe there is a class or spiritual reading on how to become actualized. As humans, I think we do and do and do….we get up in the morning and maybe think we have processed what has happened the day before. Life passes very quickly. Why is it that hours seem to drag and years fly by? Maybe it is because we pass by the moments that truly mean something with moments that have no true meaning……

In this New Year…..I deeply encourage you to pray for God to show you the “BIG” moments. The moments that can change us and allow us to grow in a deep and engaging manner. I invite the breath of Christ to shock your soul into understanding what is truth, what is really good and what is life at its best. I pray that you are urged to feel every real moment that stimulates you into being the very best you can be.

Reflect with your own thoughts…..seek God’s direction in all that you do…listen and you will hear the sigh of angels……and the love of your own heart sing….

I wish you peace, hope and most of all love in this New Year.

Marcy Moore, M.P.S.

 

Speak Your Mind

*