The Lies We Tell Our Children

sky1From the time our children are born, as parents, we tell our children little lies. We tell them that everything will be ok. From scrapes on their knees to a bloody nose and broken bones to a broken heart. We tell them it will mend, time will heal, and everything one day will return to normalcy. We tell them that is for the best, that they will learn and grow from this situation.

But sometimes this is just not true. Sometimes, they never learn, they don’t grow but just dive deeper into more mistakes. Sometimes children get sick, and never recover. Our children struggle, break their hearts and break the hearts of their loved ones. So what do we tell our children? Do we fill them with high hopes, or tell them harsh truth? Is filling them with hope setting them up for false expectations or are we just spooling out our hopeless optimism? It is our fear that we are scared to the bottom of our hearts that everything may not be alright.

Maybe there is a balance. Maybe we give love in that truth and toughness. As we become real to ourselves and to our children, maybe we rip the band aid off and then lovingly kiss the pain away.  I know this is labeled tough love and it is supposed to be for their own good, so I ask, why does it hurt so much? Why do w desire to give our children far more than we have experienced, and yet we are fearful when they do? If we want to give our children everything, then why not the pain too?

From babies to adulthood, when do we completely let go and allow them to fly? Why do we feel that we have to control the amount of pain that we have tried to save them from? 

I have always told my children that their glass is half full. I’m the eternal optimist that sees their beauty, their promise and their future. I don’t know if it is my deep fears or our highest hopes, but I believe I  would tell my children anything if it would make them well or re-establish their equilibrium for living their lives to the fullest. I think that hope is eternal. I believe that resurrection is very real and that we have the ability to rise to the next level of who and what we want to be. I believe that change and transformation is real. That love is very real….and that we have the power to unleash all power through love and Christ’s love.

So do I honestly not want to be honest? As I think about all of this, I think about Mary, my Lord’s mother. I think about what she would do and what she said to Christ as he fell carrying his cross. I think about unspeakable parental pain and all I’ve got is that she turned to her Father in heaven. For answers, for wisdom, for an exchange of conversation and maybe some yelling, of why is this happening.

On this note, not much has changed. We still agonize over our children’s decisions, over their “I got this handled” conversation when you know they don’t, and the conversations with our God as to why this is happening in this juncture, in their lives and in ours.

My God, my God, Why have you forsaken me? Matt:27:46

I pray on this day that all of you turn to God for your answers. In the still of the night, I pray that you ask, pray, and believe that everything will be alright. Love and light on this day and the day after.

Peace be with you.

Marcy Moore, M.P.S.